Yes, really.


I hate asking people for money. Loathe it. Especially when people have already given me money. The very idea makes me cringe and look for a rock to hide under. Agony to my soul.


Life was so much easier when I had a job. Sure, I lived paycheck to paycheck, but at least I knew that there would be money in my bank account on Thursday each week. I look at how stressed I am right now and I say to God, "Is this how it's always going to be?" I feel called to missions, and a lifestyle of faith, but man, it's hard. Maybe it's my healthy dose of American pride, but I don't want anyone to know that I need money, that I can't do it on my own. The hardest is my parents. I feel like if I still need money after they've given so much, that I'm letting them down, that I've failed.


The current balance in my bank account as of this morning is $204.61. That may be shocking to some (especially my parents), but I promise that it was more shocking to me when I saw how low it was last week. I about had a heart attack. Where did all that money go?


I did wind up going to Ireland. Do I regret it? Yes, actually. It was way more expensive than I thought it would be. I'm still learning the whole business of traveling, and I haven't quite figured it out. Is it over and done? Again, yes. The hardest thing for me is having grace for myself. I seriously have a guilt complex right now over spending money on a vacation, even if it was only 3 days.


I guess the bright side to that is that God is big enough to cover my mistakes.


I found out last night that I still owe £72.08 to my school fees. That's $117. 
I still have to buy train tickets to and from the airport. I'm guessing that's close to £40-50. That's another $73. 
We still have to book an internal flight in South Africa to take us from Durban to Cape Town. We don't know the cost of that yet. 


Basically, I'm stretched really thin. I'd absolutely love to have another $500 before we go, so that I have a little bit of wiggle room. There's only one person on our team who actually has all the money she needs. As a team, we plan to fast and pray for financial breakthrough, starting with dinner tonight. If you can fast with us, that'd be amazing! If not, could you please pray during your dinner time for us?


Above all, I know that my God is a great big God, and he holds me in his hand.